garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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