and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
