Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
