I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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