Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
