Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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