Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
