Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
