Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
