they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
