The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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