There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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