And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
