Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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