I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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