Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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