i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
