I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
