so explain again why im purple
no
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she peed on how many people?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
