the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
