thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
