lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
