Your tits are I can't wait for
its not stalking. its research.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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