So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
