a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
