I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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