OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
where are my eyebrows?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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