i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
