If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
