you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
