Will you blow on my dice?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
