In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
