Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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