You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
