i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
