She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have started to decorate penises.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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