I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
where am i from again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
