Already got asked if we're dating
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
