so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
