whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
