Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this will be a night to untag.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
