I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
