I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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