Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
