I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
