Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
