I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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