I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone shit on the floor
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
