Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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