Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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